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Bog Standard

Restroom comedy has traditionally served as the safe haven of your Daily, and writers stay alert to significant toilet tales and historic moments, especially in relation to football. What a delight it was to find out that an online journalist Adrian Chiles possesses a urinal decorated with West Brom motifs at his home. Spare a thought about the Tykes follower who took the rest room a little too literally, and needed rescuing from an empty Oakwell stadium post-napping in the lavatory midway through a 2015 losing match by Fleetwood. “He had no shoes on and couldn't find his phone and his hat,” elaborated a Barnsley fire station spokesperson. And who can forget at the pinnacle of his career at Manchester City, Mario Balotelli visited a nearby college to access the restrooms in 2012. “Balotelli parked his Bentley outside, then entered and inquired the location of the toilets, subsequently he entered the faculty room,” a student told the Manchester Evening News. “Subsequently he wandered through the school like he owned the place.”

The Toilet Resignation

This Tuesday commemorates a quarter-century since Kevin Keegan stepped down as the England coach post a quick discussion within a restroom stall together with Football Association official David Davies deep within Wembley Stadium, following that infamous 1-0 defeat against Germany in 2000 – the Three Lions' last game at the legendary venue. As Davies remembers in his diary, FA Confidential, he entered the drenched beleaguered England dressing room immediately after the match, seeing David Beckham weeping and Tony Adams motivated, both of them pleading for the suit to bring Keegan to his senses. Following Dietmar Hamann’s free-kick, Keegan had trudged down the tunnel with a distant gaze, and Davies discovered him collapsed – similar to his Anfield posture in 1996 – in the dressing room corner, saying quietly: “I'm done. I can't handle this.” Stopping Keegan, Davies worked frantically to rescue the scenario.

“Where on earth could we find for a private conversation?” stated Davies. “The passageway? Swarming with media. The changing area? Crowded with emotional footballers. The shower area? I was unable to have a crucial talk with the national coach while athletes jumped in the pool. Merely one possibility emerged. The toilet cubicles. A dramatic moment in England’s long football history took place in the vintage restrooms of a venue scheduled for destruction. The impending destruction could almost be smelled in the air. Leading Kevin into a compartment, I secured the door behind us. We stood there, facing each other. ‘My decision is final,’ Kevin declared. ‘I’m out of here. I’m not up to it. I'll announce to journalists that I'm not competent. I'm unable to energize the team. I can’t get the extra bit out of these players that I need.’”

The Results

Therefore, Keegan stepped down, eventually revealing he viewed his stint as England manager “soulless”. The double Ballon d'Or recipient continued: “I struggled to occupy my time. I ended up coaching the blind squad, the hearing-impaired team, supporting the female team. It's a tremendously tough role.” Football in England has advanced considerably during the last 25 years. For better or worse, those Wembley restrooms and those twin towers have long disappeared, while a German now sits in the dugout where Keegan once perched. The German's squad is viewed as one of the contenders for the upcoming Geopolitics World Cup: Three Lions supporters, appreciate this period. This particular anniversary from one of the Three Lions’ darkest days is a reminder that things were not always so comfortable.

Current Reports

Join Luke McLaughlin at 8pm BST for Women's major tournament coverage concerning Arsenal's match against Lyon.

Quote of the Day

“There we stood in a long row, in just our underwear. We represented Europe's top officials, premier athletes, inspirations, grown-ups, parents, determined individuals with strong principles … however all remained silent. We scarcely made eye contact, our eyes shifted somewhat anxiously when we were requested to advance in couples. There Collina observed us from top to bottom with an ice-cold gaze. Quiet and watchful” – ex-international official Jonas Eriksson discloses the embarrassing processes referees were previously subjected to by previous European football refereeing head Pierluigi Collina.

Soccer Mailbag

“What does a name matter? A Dr Seuss verse exists titled ‘Too Many Daves’. Did Blackpool encounter Steve Overload? Steve Bruce, along with aides Steve Agnew and Steve Clemence have been removed from their positions. Is this the termination of the Steve fascination? Not completely! Steve Banks and Steve Dobbie continue to take care of the first team. Full Steve ahead!” – John Myles

“Now that you've relaxed spending restrictions and awarded some merch, I've opted to write and make a pithy comment. Ange Postecoglou claims he started conflicts on the school grounds with children he anticipated would defeat him. This masochistic tendency must account for his option to move to Nottingham Forest. Being a longtime Tottenham fan I will always be grateful for the second-season trophy but the only second-season trophy I can see him winning near the Trent River, if he remains that duration, is the second tier and that would be a significant battle {under the present owner” – Stewart McGuinness.|